Dizzy retrospection

I do wish the world would stop spinning.

Some force inside my head swirls the waters in a fashion reminiscent of those rides at the fair I have only ever regretted trying. Ugh.

My troubles started Monday, when my digestive system decided I’d not treated it well over the weekend. No one else here had problems, so I can only conclude, as I’ve done in the past, that being minus a gall bladder, appendix, and a snippet of intestine does make a difference sometimes. Not that I’m complaining in terms of those medical procedures which at three different times no doubt saved my life.

Yesterday my tummy felt as though it had been turned off – not bad, just not at all hungry. For me, a truly strange occurrence. So I ate very little and slept a lot. Today a few hunger pangs returned, and I tried to force the food a bit, wishing for energy. Eating seemed to work, except now I’m a dizzy dame. Weird. My ears are fine, and isn’t it supposed to be fluid in the ear that when sloshed causes dizziness? Oh, well.

While hoping for returned equilibrium tomorrow, I’m thinking back on things. I’ve reread my past year’s journal – it always provides fresh perspective. And maybe my odd physical state contributes, but I sense myself having adjusted to a degree to what I’m doing. Like a person in the “real” world going to work every day, finally gaining confidence within the sphere of a new job.

Throughout my writing venture there’ve been several phases. I journaled and flung words onto paper regarding various subjects for many years. Then I tried to build a writing space and set aside regular literary moments. My schedule’s success waxed and waned when the kids were young.

I only made progress toward publication after learning how to send query letters to editors. This provided an outlet for my ideas, which sometimes drew interest and led to published articles. My method for finishing assignments utilized adrenaline, as I sprinted toward a deadline, letting household and motherly duties slide for short spans, often exasperating the rest of my family. But I’m glad they let me dive off the deep end once in a while. It was exciting.

Somewhere near last year’s beginning I began a transition into more steady writing, for the sake of eventual publication, yes, but mainly for myself. I’m in that reimagining, reinventing phase people speak of. But like many transitions, this one’s knocked me off my feet more than once, twirled me dizzy sometimes in my emotions.

I remember nearly three decades ago my first months working at a Krispy Kreme in Charleston, South Carolina. Details of serving coffee, boxing up doughnuts in baker’s dozen increments and filling orders for schools at the conveyor belt made me dizzy sometimes. I wondered if I’d ever catch on and keep up. At last things came together in my head. I could banter with good ol’ boys at the coffee counter, box a few iced crullers with sodas to go, and find time to linger long enough in back for a fresh raised doughnut before rushing out front to replenish napkins.

Today I feel I’m catching on to the structure of writing that may suit me best. My morning writing shift is solid, Monday through Friday, averaging two hours. Sometimes I’ll do an overtime Saturday (though time-and-a-half pay is lacking so far).

I’ve completed a few projects, including a new course proposal that I sent to Lane Community College and had accepted for fall term. In my class, called Market Those Musings, I’ll instruct beginners to work their ideas into saleable forms as I did, hoping this will springboard their writing lives, as well.

My current project-in-process excites me, and yet it’s really just part of my job, as are rejections and writer group gatherings and once in a blue moon checks in the mail. I’m working on a book, a spiritual memoir. Finally it’s reached a stage where I share chapters of it at different critique sessions. The value of input from other creative souls can’t be easily measured. And unlike the novel I started last year, this preborn book is holding its own under criticism.

I’d love to share the collaborative process here on the blog, but concerns about publication issues restrain me. If I know you in three-dimensional space, though, beware. I may ask you to read and give feedback sometime this summer.

Now I guess I’ll sip some Sprite and list off to bed. Thanks for any steadying thoughts you can send this direction. Sorry if you experience sudden doughnut cravings.


Patti said…
Fortunately (er, really not so fortunate for me, since I didn't really *need* it), I had just eaten an English muffin slathered in butter and jam, so I had no doughnut cravings.:-) I'm glad you've figured out your routine for getting your writing done. The way you feel about the writing process is kind of the way I feel about homeschooling--I'm just starting to get to the point of feeling like I know what I'm doing, and it's almost (relatively speaking) over. With my dad and mother-in-law living with us, I can't manage to schedule much of anything, but that's what I'd like to do also for some things that take some extended thought. I hope I'm still capable of extended thought...to have someday.
Deanna said…
Patti, I'm sure you've worked harder at homeschooling than I (more students to teach, for one thing!), and I get the sense it's been a great adventure in your life. I admire your tenacity.

I hope you'll get the time for your own schedule someday and that luxurious extended thought stuff. I'm ever aware that my structure can crumble at any point where life's road takes a weird turn. But I do believe God has the path figured out.
Sandy said…
Deanna, I'm sorry you were under the weather. Hope it's better by now. When the body is not functioning well, it seems the whole world is off.

If I had Dorothy's slippers from the Wizard of Oz, I would tap my heals and say "I wish I could put my thoughts in writing like the artist can put a paintbrush to canvas." You have a wonderful gift, thanks for sharing it with us.
Cherie said…
How I hate the dizzies. Next time I see you, I'll tell you my trick. (Dizzies have plagued me my entire life, until a doctor told me this trick - works great!)

This three-dimensional friend would love to read your chapters thus far - especially if they come with doughnuts - did I write that out loud?

Your LCC class sounds terrific! Congrats!
Denise said…
Deanna, I learn something new about you every time I read your latest blog. Krispy Kreme...who knew? (I've never tasted one of their mythically wonderful donuts, but then I don't really like raised donuts. Give me a maple-frosted cake donut any day!
Are you back to good health?
Please share with me your friend's secret for alleviating dizziness when you hear it!
Leiselb said…
Deanna- so sorry for your ill health! I do hope you return to full speed too-- but in the meantime-- continue musing. They will produce great fruit, I think. ;-)
Deanna said…
Cherie, I look forward to your remedy! Right now I'm doing fine, though. Great idea: Will read mss. for doughnuts. Love it! ;o)

Denise, I learned I did prefer cake doughnuts to raised. Have never quite understood the KK craze. Will tell you Cherie's secret when she shares.

Leisel, thanks. I have spent an aMUSEing day. :o)
Deanna said…
Sandy, I'm still dippy and missed your comment! Yes, the world is off, but it should right itself soon. Thanks for your concern; hope you're doing well!