She stands between the window sill and their bed. When I pass by, her back is to the open door. She stands a long while. He is away at an appointment, and I pace their living room, from a window overlooking the courtyard to the kitchen table and back. While pacing I read several pages of the book I’m currently into. Earlier I sat in his recliner during her nap. Now she is up, standing and staring.
Her stare, I have learned, isn’t blank. There’s stuff going on behind it: questions and figuring out, or at least trying to ask, seeking to figure. Like she has always done, except now the process is different. Gummed up, somehow. Confusing.
She apologizes for being confused. “I just hate it,” she says softly and shakes her head.
“It’s okay. Don’t be sorry. I love you.”
Later he rolls through the door in his power chair. “Hello, Mrs!” he calls.
She brightens. She straightens, smiles, responds. “Hello!” Echoes glimmer in her eyes.
3 comments:
Oh, the pangs...
I saw this often working on a "memory care" floor. One man who knew nothing else always knew his wife.
I have thought about you, Fresca, in this stage of things. There are pangs. It's good to be here, though; some days plain old hard, but many moments inspire me.
Dear Deanna,
My grandmothers died when I was in the convent. Both grandfathers had died when I was a small child. My mom died when she was 58; my dad, at 69. So I've never truly been close to someone who has memory loss, except for an older--33 years older than I--with whom I began friends when I was in my thirties. I so remember taking her out o supper at a restaurant two or three times a week before her family found a good place for her in her hometown where friends of many years could visit her.
In the restaurant, we would take and she would repeatedly ask me, "What's been happening in your life, Dee?" even though I'd answered the question several times as we ate. So I began to m make a list of topics 10-12-15 to take to our suppers and I'd tell her the first couple to answer the question the first time and then as the question was repeated, I go down the list. It satisfied both of us! Kept us interested! Peace.
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