Mom thoughts

I am thankful.

Thankful, thankful, thankful, to the full, that I had kids.

Not because everything's settled with them or finished or even necessarily great right now. But right now, on this evening blanketed by warm, I gratefully recognize they were a gift I needed. I would have always needed that gift of being a mother to children of my body, whether or not it would have been given. I would have missed it all my days if God had chosen not to so give.

And the children God gave me--two, a wonderful number--one of each gender, a pleasing variety--couldn't and can't have blessed me more. My daughter and my son are special, each in their own way. Their lives have opened up my life.

So, times get hard. And I long for Tim and me to be alone again (an amazing gift in itself). But, exactly. That's life exactly. Shades and textures. Good flavors and bad. Hanging on. Sometimes letting go.

My son doesn't know what he thinks about God right now, and I don't know what I think about what he's thinking. But he is honest, and I, though worried, am glad. Life will go on.

May I remain thankful.

Comments

sufferingsummer said…
this is beautiful. I'm only 17 months into it and I too have so much thankfulness for what having a child has done for me. It is refreshing to see a Mama not freak out when confronted with a child who questions...I would rather have that than one who blindly believed.
Deanna said…
Yes, me too. Thanks, Summer. Blind belief would go over easier for everyone, but only on the surface. It's what I need to remember.
Cherie said…
Oh, Deanna. How well I know your heart right now. Been there. Been there for 10 years. It's how our paths came to cross in the first place. Smart that you look it right in the face and see the truth. Comes a moment you have to honestly answer, do I love God more than my children? Do I trust him even unto this?

You'll get there.........if you need to talk, let me know.
Deanna said…
Cherie, your dear, wise friendship is greatly appreciated.