On the brink

Reasons I named my blog what I did include one way I see life:
stories happen
love happens
shit happens
redemption happens.

To me this existence comes along, comes about, sometimes even fits together nicely.

But I recognize no visible means of support. Amid circumstances wafting at and around me I make choices; I do the best I can. I'm acted upon; I react.

Randomness. Chaos. Injustice. They appear to control. Yet pinpricks of light manage to glow. Some days they appear, hugely shining. Radiating, yes, and burning themselves out far too quickly. But I won't deny these illuminated moments. I conclude they weren't my doing, seeing as none of my superstitious repetitions force them to happen again. They come when they will.

Another way I see life exists simultaneously with the first:
stories are written
love is decided
shit makes for contrast
redemption is brought about.

To another being - a grand designer, a creator, a large, large One - this existence is seen and truly understood. Caused. If this One were to snuff out, so would it all. What this One determines, is.

My free as a zephyr's choices are free. Yet the Causer continues to cause.

Theology's structure stands, yet it fluxes. I've been influenced to see things this way. My belief-building happens, and I'm not trying to force it on you.

More than a year I've appreciated this gift of the blog. I started it intending to help my story processes happen. Messy grubbing and selfish emotions on my part ensued, and they're still present. Yet wholly unexpected, a community sprang up. Shanty houses belonging to others, to you. Your stories happening, your viewpoints firm, yet fluxing as well.

I gather your wishes, whether or not entered beneath a space marked comments, and clutch their bright embrace. My words and wishes to you gush forth often unbidden. But I'm forgetful; I do this thing wrong. Glad to nevertheless remain included by being read.

Looking ahead I expect to leap from this brink of holiday hiatus back into a lake of story, my book. I hope to keep a toe in the blog world. I pray you will find your way true in a very happy new year.


Sandy's Notes said…
Happy wishes are sent your way for the upcoming year also Deanna. May you have many wonderful stories to write and share with the world.
Deanna said…
Thanks, Sandy! I hope you're doing well. Guess I'll go check your blog and see...

Happy New Year.
sufferingsummer said…
Your words ring so true. Your gift we received yesterday was once again another timely reminder of the divine in what felt like such chaos.
Thank you.
Happy New Year.
Deanna said…
Summer, you are welcome. Happy New Year to you and your precious family.
Cecily said…
Blogging hey... not sure if your selfish emotions are similar to mine, where I want more and more readers and why doesn't the whole world read and comment on my blog?! Hello?! It's good! Hahaha.

Anyway, I'm glad we met over the internet and like you, I like the community.

Happy New Year (I think I can still say that... it's only 11 days old)
Deanna said…
Yeah, why doesn't the whole world read and comment here?! Not that I've ever compared how many remarks a post of mine's gotten with one of yours, Cecily, or Cherie's, Pam's, or any others that Everybody Likes Better Than Mine.

Ahem. I'm all right. Maybe growing up a little, tiny bit this new year. We'll see. :o)
Cecily said…
Oh my, I never get as many comments as Cherie's and Pam's. I comfort myself with the thought that this is because I don't reply to all the comments and then receive further replies back. You know.. that's kind of falsifying the results. Like I'm doing here. ;-) Not sure if I'm scared of replying to comments or just plain lazy! I always check everywhere I comment to see if people reply, but rarely reply to comments left on my own. OK... it's laziness!
Deanna said…
Thanks for running up the tally. ;o)
The thoughts I voiced in my comment before this one are from my worst, most insecure days. The rest of the time I like to think I'm fairly balanced. And I think it's good you can resist replying to comments; I sometimes feel obligated, sometimes want to falsify results, but usually just have to say something more!

Blogging's weird, huh, but fun.
Pam said…
I love this post, Deanna. You so eloquently summed up all the stuff that happens -- and we've had a LOT of, um, stuff around here lately -- and how it all plays off each other.

And I love your blog.

And I hope to be around more.

And comment more.
Deanna said…
Thank you, Pam. Your comments are always welcome here, as are your wise and funny words on your blog. I'm glad you're back!