the heart of the matter

[Read & rewrite afresh on this topic. Yup. You.]


Above is the note I left on a file this morning after my early writing time. I need such a reminder. My tendency is to edit soon into the writing, because, you know, things should become perfect. Sooner.

Reality reminds me that things are in process. I truly like reality, even though it requires patience.

This sort of thought about writing in reality came up Friday afternoon, when I stopped in Newberg and spent lovely moments with Lisa Ohlen Harris.*

She treated me to a gluten-free lemon bar at the Coffee Cottage. Groups of Newbergians ebbed and flowed through the cafe, as people buzzed and prepped for their First Friday Art Walk. Amid the surgings, Lisa and I talked essay work. What inspiration.

This morning, after writing, I was on my treadmill thinking. Jogging, too, but predominantly pondering the desire I feel sometimes to make everything right between everybody. To edit reality (as if I could) soon into every process.

From my stereo came Don Henley's lyrics about processing a break-up. All the things I thought I'd figured out, I have to learn again.

Earlier this year, I began (not a break-up, but) learning again all the things I thought I'd figured out. I toddled into one more day and was lifted outside the latest paradigm. Predominantly I wished all at once to bow repentantly to everyone.

But I think it's about...
Forgiveness...forgiveness...


A process (far from perfection sooner), it is still becoming.

Sunday morning I wandered beside a lake at Tilikum Retreat Center, my shoes crunching islands of gravel between mud-stretches on the road, my skirt aswish above my ankles. Reality was mirrored, despite the fog.

You know, things will continue their process just fine.

So I'm thinkin' about...
Forgiveness...forgiveness...
Even if...

*Here's an interview with Lisa on OSU's Back Page. Great job, Lisa!video platform video management video solutionsvideo player

Comments

Geoff Koerner said…
You are not alone in your aspirations. There are some days I mess-up so badly I want to "alt-crtl-delete" the previous 24 hours. Other times I see discord between people and want to wave a wand and make it all better. (Is there a "concordius" charm?) Other times, I've been hurt and I want to hide under a rock. I think sometimes all of humanity, myself included, is too @*#%^ messy. Like your wonderful photos, I see "misty-murkiness" is part of the package deal of creation. I'm starting to accept it. Thanks for sharing.
Deanna said…
Thanks, Geoff. I can add that the "package of creation" was speaking to me as it so often does by grace. There's a lot happening with the opportunity to gaze at these natural icons, if you will, of truth.
Arlee Bird said…
Forgiveness is so important for our personal freedom.

Those photographs are absolutely mesmerizing.


Lee
Ann Carbine Best visits Wrote By Rote on Saturday 11/12/11
Deanna said…
Arlee, thank you for stopping by. I'm off to check your blogs.
Jennifer@GDWJ said…
I am an early-in-process editor, too. I can barely get a few paragraphs into a piece without starting at the top again. Back in my newspaper-writing days, I always joked with my editors that my stories were shined-up on top, but got progressively worse toward the end. That's because I would edit and re-edit those first few paragraphs like crazy, but by the time I reached the end of the story, deadline was fast approaching, and I had no more time to do and re-do. :)

Loved your pretty photos.
Deanna said…
Jennifer, I so appreciate those sentiments (and I'm glad you liked the pictures). "Starting at the top again" -- that's my preference, too. :o)